Keep on Truckin

I haven't added to this blog in a while, and there has been good reason. A lot has happened in the past two months. The most major occurrence was a student of mine passing away. He was struck by a truck as he crossed the street, was in the hospital for a few days, and then passed away. He was young, and vibrant; very impulsive (what 13 year old isn't). Two of his brothers (including his twin brother) are in my classes as well. It was a very sad experience, one that left me and the school with a lot to deal with, and a lot that we're all still dealing with. I had occasions where I considered expressing myself about it on this blog, but it just didn't seem right at the time. My first student to pass away. Horrible milestone.

Our little family is doing well though. The picture above is of me and my son, out for a walk with my momma. I recently bought him a Muddy Buddy suit, or as I like to call it, the baby hazmat suit. Best $37 I ever spent! It rains a lot here on the West Coast. I mean, that's pretty much the substance of our winter, though we usually get a few snowy days in every year. Even when it's not raining, the ground it still wet. And, like any other 15 month old, even though Z is fairly good on his feet, he still tumbles or intentionally sits in the wet grass or mud from time to time. This way, I don't even have to worry about it! Plus, he looks super cute in it! Z is a very adventurous and curious toddler. I still like to refer to him as my baby, but he's pretty much entered into the realm of toddler-hood now. No longer can I plop him down on the front lawn and still run back inside to grab a forgotten item. The little dude books it fast, and usually for the road. He doesn't quite understand "stop" yet (or maybe he does, but chooses to ignore). We're working on getting him to hold hands when we're close to traffic. Like everything, it's a process!

I am so excited that it is almost December. For one, I love Christmas, it means time with family (especially a certain brother who lives out of town), and time off from work to relax at home and spend time with my hubby and son. It means Christmas songs long ago memorized, twinkly lights, and rich foods. I am so excited about it this year with Z being 16 months old instead of 4 months old. Only three more weeks of school before Christmas break!

Oh crap, I better get knitting. Oh, and I'm planning on sewing up some stockings this year!

Goodness, gracious!

Yes, that is all I can think to say. It has been QUITE the week! Last week marked my first one back to work after maternity leave, and Z's first week at daycare. Our little boy fared very well adjusting to daycare. He was quite tired the first day, came home with puffy eyes after only an hour's nap, but has progressively slept more and more and is now having a standard 2+hr nap (though was pretty much forced to drop the morning nap). For what it's worth, we're still keeping the morning nap at home during the weekends, and he seems okay with that!

Hubby and I are finding our groove, working together to get ourselves and the little one ready in the morning so that we can be out the door on time. I do find that I'm more consistently early for work than I have ever been, entirely because I drop Z off at daycare by a particular time. I've given myself over to focusing on making dinner and just hanging out and playing with the little guy until he's ready to go to bed. I'm coming to terms with not doing a great job at prepping and sometimes paying the consequence for it the next day. But, you know what? That's what happens when you get hired the day before you start teaching and you have absolutely no time before hand to prepare! I still find myself working 2-3 hours a night sometimes, marking and prepping, but even that I'm trying to balance. Today, I took up a teacher on an offer to just use his math notes for two of my classes instead of creating my own from scratch. I won't even know if I get to keep the job I'm covering until the postings are filled next week. Such is the life of a teacher.

me and my little guy at the Saanich Fair

My mind has been on my pension a lot lately. I know it sounds ridiculous to be thinking about such a thing when I'm not even 30 (soon!!), but there are so many implications with my profession to my pension; many of them I still need to figure out. I just don't want to find out I'm supremely screwed when I retire. First, my year off on maternity leave (for which I didn't even get top-up - bah!), I believe I need to pay into that year to make sure it isn't missed. Sure makes a case for not having too many kids! Second, every part-time contract I get only partially contributes to my pension, at least that's my understanding. Considering full time contracts are very hard to come by, even continuing contracts (when they become available) are usually part time. How in the heck do I go about figuring out where I'll be when I want to retire?

I've been driving my husband mental with these questions! I've promised him I'll hold off on freaking out with the need for answers until Christmas, when we have a bit of down time to look into things. It definitely makes me wonder though, how do all the momma's who stay home with their little ones manage when they get old? Hope that they stay with their husbands so there's that additional income to live off of? I've always thought that as a teacher I would love to only work part-time while my kiddies (plural one day) are little, have the flexibility to focus some of my efforts and energy on our home life. But, how much of an effect would this have on my security when I'm old? Hope I'm not freaking to many people out with my questions... I wonder if the google search count on pension related questions will go up!

On a much more pleasing note, I made spaghetti sauce tonight, and I used fresh tomatoes from my garden! The romas are especially prolific.

Waiting

They say that waiting is the hardest part. I feel this is very true, though I have a good amount to distract myself with!

I'm returning to work on Tuesday. Little Z will have his first day of daycare. Z actually took his first steps yesterday - I can barely believe it! He's been cruising like crazy for a while now, and he can walk fairly well even just holding onto one hand, but it still completely caught me by surprise. My mom was over, having dinner with us before a trip to go see family, and all of a sudden noticed that Z was standing, not holding on to anything. He stood longer than he's ever stood and then, suddenly, took a couple of steps! The look on his face wasn't one of pride, but more of just concentration. And then, he sat down and didn't do it again (no matter how much we tried to coax it out of him). I'm keeping my camera close at hand for when he does it again. I have to say, it is so amazing as a first time parent watching these developmental milestones happen before your very eyes. I remember the day when he first started bopping things with his fists (not even his fingers yet) while laying on his little playmat. We have been so blessed by this little guy.

As for work, it has been a major mental dilemma for me. There's no real decision to be made, the dilemma is more one of how do I handle this? What kind of perspective do I take that will help me through this? My husband keeps telling me to enjoy the time I have left with Z, and I am, and (as he pointed out) that's exactly what I would say to him if he were in my situation. But, I'm really not finding that it helps; I'm still anxious. I just don't know how to adequately prepare!

I'm a teacher, so my return-to-work scenario is a little bit different than someone returning after a standard maternity leave. First off, I don't actually have a job to return to. The temporary contract that I had before my leave ended with the end of the school year. I didn't secure a contract out of the summer postings (well, that's not entirely true... I was offered one, but turned it down because I felt it just wasn't right for me). I called around and emailed a few of the high school principals to let them know that I was available to TOC (substitute teach) in the event that they had to open up some extra classes at the beginning of the year. This is very common, and these positions will be posted mid-September, so I'm hoping to get something at that time. So far I haven't heard anything back, and it's the Friday before the long weekend, before school starts.

So, here are the potential scenarios I see before me for my first day back to work (in no particular order):
- I get a frantic call from a high school looking for a teacher to cover a new class. I walk in blind and have to make curriculum, etc, up on the fly. Not ideal, but I've been in such a situation before, and I can handle it.
- I get a frantic call from a middle/elementary school looking for a teacher to cover a new class. I have virtually no training or experience teaching middle school or elementary, and, to be frank, they are not an age group I feel the most confident working with.
- I get a one day TOC callout for a teacher. The likelihood of this happening on the first day of school is so beyond zero, it's practically negative. No teacher books the first day of school off.
- I get nothing. I take Z to daycare and come back home and tinker around keeping the phone near me at all times just in case.

And... for the NEXT day, repeat! Doesn't that sound like fun? Quite a few teachers are in this boat every year. It's pretty much par for the course, so I'm not feeling sorry for myself, BUT, like any normal human being, I would much rather know what I was doing. I'm a teacher, and under that a damn good student. I like to prepare before stepping into a situation. Aside from not knowing which of those four scenarios might happen on Tuesday, I don't even know what subject(s) I would be teaching even IF I got called in. I've got this strong urge to start prepping curriculum, but with my teaching areas I could do any level of math or any junior science or senior chemistry, or I could get called in for something completely outside of my teaching area. It would be a complete waste of time to prep anything before I needed to.

Anyways, I just need to get over it. In the mean while, the house is getting pretty clean and organized... at least there I've got the locus of control.

Update: about 20 minutes after posting, I got a call for a two week subbing job - yay!

Breath before the end

Allow me to explain my MIA status - I have been teaching summer school. This has made me a tad busier, especially with the onset of Z cutting his baby molars. So far the bottom two are in, and the top two are mercilessly trying to break through as well. Whoever said being a baby is easy hasn't dealt with a baby going through some serious teething. It's been interesting going back to work. I like to think that I fell back into the swing of things fairly naturally. There are parts that I had missed, and parts that I think no teacher misses. Regardless, it's been a good way to see what it'll be like in the fall when I go back, potentially full time, and Z starts daycare full time. For now, it's one more week and then back to normal time at home with Z for the month of August.

But, enough about work, I want to focus instead on what I always seem to come back to in this blog - my garden! Allow me to present my tomato plants! They're HUGE!

I look out my living room window and they're there, more than halfway up! The hubby and I like to think of them as our tomato hedges.

cutesie little cherry tomatoes... this plant is called Sweet Million

As you can see, there are lots of green beauties on the vine, and a ton of little yellow flowers still in production. I actually pruned a couple of the plants today, as per a suggestion from my father that it may help the plant focus its energy on fruit production rather than growth. It makes me happy to see the plants so happy! I think this really is the perfect place for them.

Funny thing is, I've never been a big tomato eater. My husband loves them, but I always order my burgers and sandwiches sans tomatoes, and I don't like them in salads. I think this may be a good opportunity to change that. I have canning plans (I'm practically giddy about using my own canned tomatoes during the year), and may try my hand at making salsa. Aside from that, and making many tomato-based recipes once they're ripe, friends and family will probably be recipients as well!

In which stress is just a state of mind

That is what I keep telling myself. I find it so easy to get stressed out, even when things are going wonderfully, somehow there's a way to find stress in the situation. A friend of mine recently shared a cartoon on facebook and I so identified with it:

via

I just found out yesterday that I got a position teaching summer school. This is a good thing; this is a great thing! This will be a good way for me to get back into teaching, to dip my toe in, so to speak, to have a trial of leaving Z with someone else before the big go-back-to-work move in September. Plus, this will be excellent for our finances, considering that my EI runs out at end of June.

So, why am I feeling anxious? Because, I haven't taught in an entire year. Because, I've never taught this course before (let's face it, that's always the case, so that's nothing new). Because, I've never had to leave Z before on a regular basis. Because, I'll have to figure out childcare for him, and I'm worried about someone else taking care of him... taking the same care of him that I feel like I'm an expert in now. Because, I only have a couple months left before I really return to work, before crazy, hectic life change begins, and I love him so much, and I cherish my time with him, and I NEVER WANT IT TO END!!!!!!

And yet, there are days when I wish I was working again, days when I feel I'd like that different challenge. I've been tutoring and I certainly enjoy teaching, it's something I feel is a true passion of mine. But, being a mommy is a true passion of mine as well.

In all of this, I am trying to shift my perspective, because, really, what is the problem? That I have a job? That I have a wonderful baby and a wonderful family that I love spending time with? All of these things are blessings. I'm trying to process this looming change in a way that doesn't disable me, in a way that allows me to savor the moments (like the morning walks I take with Z in the carrier, held close to my chest). I'm trying to allow myself to have the feelings, and to ride them for the natural things they are, the natural life changes. To see and acknowledge them as what makes life so precious... but, let's be honest, it's still shitty - the year is almost done!

Is it any wonder

Is it any wonder that the teacher contract negotiations have gone the way they have? I've been thinking a lot about this whole issue lately, as I am a public school teacher, it directly affects me. Like any system, I'm starting to understand its intricacies the longer I'm a part of it. Here, to my knowledge, is how it works.

There are three players in this game, the BC government (the Ministry of Education), the school districts (the employer) headed up by the school boards/trustees and superintendent, and the employees (ie teachers, EAs, and support staff). The contract negotiations that are currently ongoing are between the teachers and their employer, the school district. It seems so simple when you look at things in terms of the work that is done, the wage and benefits that are asked for, the working conditions that are required to facilitate a healthy state of education. But there is a third player in this game who is really holding all of the cards. The government. It is the government that determines the funding that school boards receive. The government has stated that funding has increased every year, while enrollment has decreased. But a closer look at the numbers reveals that funding has not kept up with inflation, has not kept up with the mandates that the government places on the schools for things like carbon offsets. Not only that, but funding was changed in 2002 from a program-and-cost based formula to a capped-student based funding formula. There is a certain cost associated with simply operating a system, regardless of enrollment. Funding has not kept up with this.

I say this not because I want to educate you, or to sway you to care about the state of the public education system in BC, though believe me, I do. I say this because learning how the system works has helped me understand why my employer acts the way they do.

The School Act, a piece of legislation that governs the way education works in BC, states that school boards must not present a deficit. Every year the government states how much funding each school district will receive, and every year the boards are required to submit a balanced operating budget to the Ministry by June 30. Boards who present a deficit risk being fired by the Ministry (don't ask me how that works, since the trustees are elected officials). This is what is currently at issue in the Cowichan Valley (news article here). So, in order to comply with the funding that the Ministry determines, school boards are often left to make whatever cuts they can, be they education support workers, teacher librarians, or school psychologists, to name a few. If you ever wonder why it can take years for a student with learning needs to be assessed and receive the support they need to be successful, look no further than the school psychologist whose hours have been cut. You may argue, well why can't it be done without a school psychologist, or without a special education teacher? If the child is not assessed in the proper way, then there is no funding for their specific need. Things need to be done by the book - we have to account for the tax payer's money. Not that the funding will only go towards their needs. Maybe a balanced budget means that schools will run more classes at over capacity so that they can hire less teachers. After all, funding is determined by the number of students. This is why schools are trying to expand their international students programs - more money in the coffers. This is why schools try to attract students from other districts - more students, more money. It's a business.

It's a business.


Should education be a for-profit business? It's a public service. Is it any wonder that we, the employer and the employee, are told to do more with less every single year. And each year, even more with even less. Is it any wonder that teachers are so enraged by the current state of education, and are unwilling to back down? Is it any wonder that the employer stands quietly by when their hands are tied by legislation?

ETA: my sources were drawn from my personal experiences, my conversations with teachers and admin, my critical reflection of the current labour dispute and various publications, including this report, which I highly recommend reading. I have not even touched on the various legislation that has broken down the state of the classroom through the removal of classroom caps, etc.

Recycling

Z is having an extra long morning nap, which has afforded me some extra alone time that I normally do not have. In my mind, this can only signal one thing, there is some serious development going on in that little body and brain. The hubby and I have been noticing just how much more of a little person Z is becoming, and his grunts and shrieks have increasingly expressed his frustration at not being able to reach a toy or go somewhere he wants to go. I wouldn't be surprised if the little guy starts crawling soon. As I said to my husband the other day, we'll soon be making more use of the higher shelving that we have in the living room!

As I was tidying up around the kitchen, pears baking in the oven for some future baby food, my mind was mulling over a post idea - recycling. When hubby and I took our prenatal class, one of our sessions focused on family life and we participated in brainstorming ways to help stay sane during the first few weeks home with new baby. One of our ideas was "throw recycling out". It sounds horrendous, but when you're just trying to survive during those sleep-deprived, hormone and emotion-ruled first few weeks, the last thing you want to do is sort garbage. Of course, we've been out of that time for a while now, and it's nice to take another look at how we run our home and how we deal with our waste.

I've gotten in the habit of keeping a plastic bag hanging off of one of the cupboard handles. In this bag I toss any bit of thin plastic I would normally dispose of in the garbage. I got this idea after the upteenth time of tossing a used bread bag into the garbage and thinking to myself, "now, how long is THAT going to take to decompose?". So, now I strip used kleenex boxes of their plastic liners, I collect (after dumping out any crumbs) the bread bags, any produce bags or additional plastic that always seems to accompany anything you buy (think toilet paper and paper towels) - everything! I place it in this hanging plastic bag and when it's full, which is usually by the end of a week or two (just imagine all that in the landfill!), I tie the bag, take it to my local supermarket, and shove it in the bag recycling bin. VOILA!

I should say that I also got the idea from the numerous schools I've worked at where recycling towers are present for students and staff to place everything from foil and yogurt cups to granola bar wrappers and sandwich bags. Teachers and students volunteer their time to collect all of the recycling and send it off to the appropriate place. Just one thing that BC schools are doing to help reduce waste.

Anyone out there have any other handy recycling tricks? I found this pretty easy, and to me, that is what makes it easy to continue!