That is what I keep telling myself. I find it so easy to get stressed out, even when things are going wonderfully, somehow there's a way to find stress in the situation. A friend of mine recently shared a cartoon on facebook and I so identified with it:
I just found out yesterday that I got a position teaching summer school. This is a good thing; this is a great thing! This will be a good way for me to get back into teaching, to dip my toe in, so to speak, to have a trial of leaving Z with someone else before the big go-back-to-work move in September. Plus, this will be excellent for our finances, considering that my EI runs out at end of June.
So, why am I feeling anxious? Because, I haven't taught in an entire year. Because, I've never taught this course before (let's face it, that's always the case, so that's nothing new). Because, I've never had to leave Z before on a regular basis. Because, I'll have to figure out childcare for him, and I'm worried about someone else taking care of him... taking the same care of him that I feel like I'm an expert in now. Because, I only have a couple months left before I really return to work, before crazy, hectic life change begins, and I love him so much, and I cherish my time with him, and I NEVER WANT IT TO END!!!!!!
And yet, there are days when I wish I was working again, days when I feel I'd like that different challenge. I've been tutoring and I certainly enjoy teaching, it's something I feel is a true passion of mine. But, being a mommy is a true passion of mine as well.
In all of this, I am trying to shift my perspective, because, really, what is the problem? That I have a job? That I have a wonderful baby and a wonderful family that I love spending time with? All of these things are blessings. I'm trying to process this looming change in a way that doesn't disable me, in a way that allows me to savor the moments (like the morning walks I take with Z in the carrier, held close to my chest). I'm trying to allow myself to have the feelings, and to ride them for the natural things they are, the natural life changes. To see and acknowledge them as what makes life so precious... but, let's be honest, it's still shitty - the year is almost done!